heart beat~

hiya guys,,

i think i'm going insane!!

seriously!!

well,, today i'm skipping school cause i wanna

go to a friends house for a study group,
and..
i'm kinda bored.

i really miss iki...
i wanna see him again!!
and..
A.S too..
but..
do i really like A.S?
I'm not sure!!
but i know that i'm seriously in love with iki..
so...
i'm sorry A.S..
iki is the one i'll choose..

in other questions,,
this is what a friend asked me yesterday
and the conversation i had with ashlah.

~ The Question ~

the question friend A asked me~

time: rehat
where: in front of class
thru: face 2 face conversation

Friend A: Hey Aley!
Me: Hey,, What's up?
Friend A: Where's Nut?
Me: I dont care~
Friend A: What happend? I thought you two were like best friends..
Me: Who told you that crap?
Friend A: You, Nut and people.
Me: I never said that..kau dengar salah kowt..
Friend A: Tak de nya.. you told me that day,, when i asked you who's you bff.
Me: tsk,, well not anymore..
Friend A: Why?? Tell me.
Me: Because we fought..the whole gang doesnt like her anymore etc..
Friend A: so,, what did you guys fight about?
Me: umm...

and then it hit me,,
i have no idea..why..
we used to be friends...used to hang out and laugh..
but now..
i call her names,,
mock her,,
and sometimes feel like i wanna kill her..
the things she says to me..my other friends..
it kinda hurts..
but..even though she apologized..
i'm having second thoughts about giving her a second chance.
maybe..i'm just afraid she'll do this again..
or worst..
take my other friends away from me..

Me: What should i do Friend A?
Friend A: i think you know..

but i dont..
please..anyone..tell me what i should do.
i dont wanna fight anymore..
but she (nadya) makes me so mad and sometimes..
i kinda miss her...
(sometimes)

~ The Conversation ~

time: morning
where: my house
thru: YM

Ashlah: Aley,, what's going on between your gang and nadya?
Me: What? Why are you asking me this??
Ashlah: saje.. you and nad no more rapat..
Me: Nad and i was never close..she only wanted to be rapat with hdy..
Ashlah: tu jew?
Me: apa yang "tu jew"?
Ashlah: You guys no more friend because of jealousy?
Me: No!!?
Ashlah: Then why??
Me: Because she annoyes me..alot!
Ashlah: yea..she is kinda annoying.
Me: You think? well...what about you?
Ashlah: What about me?
Me: i thought you and nad was also rapat.
Ashlah: No lah!! aq mana pernah rapat ngan dia?
Me: you two were two neighbours who played PSP together..mana xrapat nya?
Ashlah: play PSP only..tu je..plus,,i lost my best friend because of nadya..
Me: what?
Ashlah: my bff's enemy was Nadya and...i played PSP with nad and she didnt like that..
and now..she and i are no more friends..
Me: was that bff...k****?
Ashlah: Yea..
Me: you two dont even have the "Hi ,, Bye" relationship?
Ashlah: Hi bye?? well,, when we jumpa also ..she's like..
ouh..what's he doing here?
and when i see her..i'm like..
ouh..what's she doing here?
Me: woah...sedih la..
Ashlah: sedih? mana ada...well,, can i say something bout you guys..
Me: wha?
Ashlah: Nad, You and your gang are all dumb..
Me: i know...

and then..i went to get ready to go to school..
i dont know why..
but that conversation created a big hole in my heart..
was it because of nad?
was it because of his relationship with k****?
or..
was it because he called me dumb?
i dont know anymore...

confussed girl,
Aley~